Darren is the first of our angel babies. He is still very muched loved by both Mummy and Daddy now he is in heaven with is baby sister Ella-lousie. Ella and Darren are our precious angels and will never be forgotten in our hearts.
We're sorry, but the browser you appear to be using will not correctly display the tribute to Darren Payne.
We recommend viewing with the current free versions of Mozilla Firefox or Internet Explorer.
If you would like to continue to the full version of this tribute in this session, please click here.
For more help please see our community pages.
I remember feeling excited, but nervous as we waited for the home pregnancy test to work. My husband was convinced I was pregnant, I wasn't so sure. I turned the test over....POSITIVE. Even thought Chris had been the one expecting it he looked more shocked that me. I cried with excitement, I was so happy but at the same time i didnt know what we were going to do. We were in the middle of planning our wedding, and moving house, trying to find a new job, life was chaotic to say the least, but it was all going to be ok. I wanted to scream it from the roof tops, "I'm having a baby".
Everyone was convinced Darren was going to be a boy, my mum was even knitting blue clothes. We were thinking of both girl and boy names but the one that stuck out to me all the way through was Darren, this was going to be my little angels name. I used to hold my belly and talk to him, telling him that I loved him lots and couldn't wait to meet him. I would talk about his daddy, and how they would play football when he was old enough, and all the other lovely things we would do together. I tried not to, but couldnt help myself, everytime I saw a cute little outfit I wanted to buy it. I spent hours looking a baby things, and deciding how I wanted the nursery to look, forever thinking how happy this baby has made me.
I started to feel funny on the Friday night, having a little bit of pain and spotting, but by Saturday morning it had gone. I think I knew then that something had gone wrong, but tried to convince myself otherwise. It wasnt then until I woke up for work on Sunday morning the I started to worry. I had servere cramps and could hardly stand, Chris rushed me to the hospital, just for them to say there was nothing they could do, and asked me to come back for an ultrasound in the morning. Sometimes I wonder how doctors can be so insensitive, I know I was only 9 weeks, but this was my baby! Darren grew his wings that night and flew off to Heaven without me. It broke my heart and I've missed him everyday since then.
Today I found out I was expecting another baby! I was full of mixed emotions, so happy that I was pregnant, so scared I would lose the baby, so so so missing Darren.4wks pregnant, lots to go!
9 weeks pregnant, but something wasnt right. I went to see my doctor after having slight spotting the night before who sent me straight for an ultrasound. The hardest thing in my life was looking at the screen seeing no movement, no heartbeat, my little Ella had gone, she had joined her big brother. Again my heart smashed into a thousand pieces. Thinking back my morning sickness had stopped a couple a days before, and a few of my other symptoms had started to fade, I just wish I had taken more notice to my gut instinct. I knew something was wrong even before i started to bleed. Lying in the hospital bed for the next two days was torturous, even though I had my husband and family around I felt alone, like no-one understood my pain, pretending to be alright when really all I wanted to do was scream.
Today we decided to have a ceremony so we had a point of release for our memories of the pregnancy. We cremated a letter to darren, a piece of blanket that i had been knitting for ella and a couple of other items that were related to our babies. This was our alternative to a funeral that we coldnt have. A great point of focus that helped me to move forward.
When God calls little children
To dwell with him above
We mortals sometimes question
The wisdom of his love.
For no heartache compares with
The death of a small child
Who does so much to make our world
Seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
The aged to his fold
And so he picks a rosebud
Before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them
And so he takes but few
To make the land of Heaven
More beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
Still, somehow we must try
The saddest word mankind knows
Will always be "Goodbye".
So when a little child departs
We who are left behind
Must realize God loves children...
Angels are hard to find.
Darren Payne was miscarried on February 04, 2007 at nine weeks.
I started to feel funny on the Friday night, having a little bit of pain and spotting, but by Saturday morning it had gone. I think I knew then that something had gone wrong, but tried to convince myself otherwise. It wasnt then until I woke up for work on Sunday morning the I started to worry. I had servere cramps and could hardly stand, Chris rushed me to the hospital, just for them to say there was nothing they could do, and asked me to come back for an ultrasound in the morning. Sometimes I wonder how doctors can be so insensitive, I know I was only 9 weeks, but this was my baby! Darren grew his wings that night and flew off to Heaven without me. It broke my heart and I've missed him everyday since then.
Today I found out I was expecting another baby! I was full of mixed emotions, so happy that I was pregnant, so scared I would lose the baby, so so so missing Darren.4wks pregnant, lots to go!
9 weeks pregnant, but something wasnt right. I went to see my doctor after having slight spotting the night before who sent me straight for an ultrasound. The hardest thing in my life was looking at the screen seeing no movement, no heartbeat, my little Ella had gone, she had joined her big brother. Again my heart smashed into a thousand pieces. Thinking back my morning sickness had stopped a couple a days before, and a few of my other symptoms had started to fade, I just wish I had taken more notice to my gut instinct. I knew something was wrong even before i started to bleed. Lying in the hospital bed for the next two days was torturous, even though I had my husband and family around I felt alone, like no-one understood my pain, pretending to be alright when really all I wanted to do was scream.
Today we decided to have a ceremony so we had a point of release for our memories of the pregnancy. We cremated a letter to darren, a piece of blanket that i had been knitting for ella and a couple of other items that were related to our babies. This was our alternative to a funeral that we coldnt have. A great point of focus that helped me to move forward.
Ella Payne was miscarried at 9 weeks, 16th June 2007
When God calls little children
To dwell with him above
We mortals sometimes question
The wisdom of his love.
For no heartache compares with
The death of a small child
Who does so much to make our world
Seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
The aged to his fold
And so he picks a rosebud
Before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them
And so he takes but few
To make the land of Heaven
More beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
Still, somehow we must try
The saddest word mankind knows
Will always be "Goodbye".
So when a little child departs
We who are left behind
Must realize God loves children...
Angels are hard to find.
These are my footprints,
So perfect and so small.
These tiny footprints,
Never touched the ground at all.
•.♥.••.♥.� �� ��•.♥.••.♥ .•
Not one tiny footprint,
For now I have my wings.
These tiny footprints were meant,
For other things.
•.♥.••.♥.� �� ��•.♥.••.♥ .•
You will hear my tiny footprints,
In the patter of the rain.
Gentle drops like angel's tears,
Of joy and not from pain.
•.♥.••.♥.� �� ��•.♥.••.♥ .•
You will see my tiny footprints,
In each butterflies' lazy dance.
I'll let you know I'm with you,
If you just give me a chance.
•.♥.••.♥.� �� ��•.♥.••.♥ .•
You will see my tiny footprints,
In the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the wind,
And call each one that grieves.
•.♥.••.♥.� �� ��•.♥.••.♥ .•
Most of all, these tiny footprints,
Are found on mommy's heart.
'Cause even though I'm gone now,
We'll NEVER truly part
I know I dont talk about my angels much any more, but I haven't forgotten how much they mean to me. I miss my angels so much, and everyday wish they were here. I know I am the only one who thinks about them anymore, either that or people think it's better not to talk about, maybe they think it will hurt me. Well yes I may be upset for a moment as I remember just what I have lost, but it would mean so much to me. Just to know someone else thinks of my little babies and how special they are. I will never let Aiden forget, he will always know just how special his brother and sister are and how they will always be looking after him from up above.
My baby girl,
I cant believe it has been a year since you left us, i can remember the day as if it were yesterday. I still miss you so much. I have had your lantern lit all evening and it looks so pretty, i dont want the flame to go out.
Me and daddy spent the day in the garden today, with Aiden watching, and we have created a little space at the end of the garden just for you and Darren, it looks lovely already and will look even better when we have your lantern out there and some little garden ornamnets that we have on order. I hope you like it.
I love you baby girl, give your big brother a kiss for me too
Hugs and kisses,
mummy xxxx
The saddest word I've ever heard is why?
Why were your futures cut so short?
Why did you have to fly?
I still have the aching, broken heart
That cherished you with love,
Why did God choose to take you
To His nursery up above?
I'll never know the reason why
He could not let you stay,
I only hope my pain will heal
And one day, go away.
I'm sure one day we'll meet again
In Heaven up above,
I'll wrap my arms around you all
And smother you with love,
I'll write your names across the sky
So everyone can see
That all my little angels
Are eternally with me
My dear angels, I miss you dearly. Some days are so hard, I think of you all the time, why cant I have all my babies with me, its just not fair.
Its comming up to a year since we lost you Ella and it still feels so recent, I cant belive how much has happened since you left us.
Why does it still feel so raw to me, yet noone else seems to even remember. Some people think you are to painful to remember, I think you are both too precious to forget.
Every day seems to get harder, the more I see Aiden doing the more I wish I could have seen you both growing up. I never got to hold you, to see you smile, I'll never hear your first word, or witness your first step, but you will forever grow in my heart. My love for you will never end.
Mummy is trying so hard to be happy, but how can I feel happy, when there is such a big part of me missing. I am doing my best to smile, thinking of you both playing on the clouds with all your angel friends, but still my heart aches for you, wishing you were here. I have been told its time to move on, to put you both behind me. I will never do that, you are as much a part of my life now as you were when you were in my tummy.
I love you, mummys precious angels, and I always will. Even if i dont talk about you to other people, please know you are never forgotten xxxxxxxx
GOD'S ANGELS
If God did not make Angels, then who would want to die?
How could there be a Heaven in that great place in the sky?
If God did not make Angels, then who could sing and play
And evermore watch over us each moment, every day?
He chooses them so carefully and often they are small,
His babies are most innocent, and some aren't born at all.
These cherubs are a special gift sent down for us to love,
If only for a little while until they're called above.
If you conceived an Angel that was not meant to stay,
Then do not grieve and make it sad, just let it go and play,
For Heaven is a special place where we all wish to go,
Our Angels will be waiting there for all of us, you know,
And when we see their faces and their little golden smile,
We'll know our precious Angels only left for a short while.
We'll cuddle them and smother them with kisses filled with love,
That day we meet our Angels in God's nursery up above.
By Dawn Glenton
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize
someone important is missing from all the important events in your
family's life.
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting
up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through
anything.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why
didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind,
holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is staring at every baby who looks like she is my baby's age.
And then thinking of the age they would be now and not being able to
imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it,
because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with
sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of your loss as if it were an
everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in
someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has
become a part of my 'normal'.
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor
your child's memory and their birthday and survive these days. And
trying to find the balloon or flag that fit's the occasion. Happy
Birthday? Not really.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my babies.
Normal is making sure that others remember them.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the
grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to
this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your
child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't
compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but losing your own
child is unnatural.
Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because I know
my mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, except someone
stricken with grief over the loss of your child.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with
chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in
England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but
yet never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and
crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. 'God may have
done this because...' I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven,
but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why
babies were taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes
absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have
three children or one, because you will never see this person again and
it is not worth explaining that my babies are in heaven. And yet when
you say you have 1 child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as
if you have betrayed your babies.
Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours
and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a
million years.
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have
become 'normal' for you to feel, so that everyone around you thinks your normal
Darren and Ella,
thank you so much for watching over your little brother, you have done an amazing job and I am so proud of you both. You little brother, Aiden, is so beautiful, just how I imagin you both would have looked. I think about you still every day, and watching Aiden just reminds me of how much I miss you, and all the things that I should have been able to do with you both. Please know that with every cuddle I give Aiden, I am cuddling you both too. I wish so much that I could give you both a real cuddle, and tell you how much you mean to me, how special you both are. One day I will, this I promise.
I tell Aiden every day about his brother and sister in heaven, and how you are looking down on him and making sure he is ok. I know it will be a very long time until you meet, but until then please know that he loves you, and so do I.
With all my love,
Mummy xxxxx
A Different Child
A different child,
People notice
There’s a special glow around you.
You grow
surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
In your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.
You'll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth.
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother’s tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here
Because my mother tried again."
Today should have been my first mothers day. Though im not even sure that i feel at all like a mother. Two of my babies are not here with me any more, and my other is not yet born. I have an overwelming feeling of upset today, yet I cant explain why. All around me people are celebrating Mothers Day with their children, yet i dont have mine here. I miss my angels every day, every single day. I love them so much, as do I love the baby I am carrying, no more, no less.
My angels have been on my mind a lot recently, today more than most. I love them both so very much and each day that i get closer to giving birth to my beautiful baby boy I think of my sweet baby angels that arent here with me. I wish i could give them both a big cuddle, tell them that mommy still loves them and always will, i know i cant. My precious angels xxxxxxxxxxx
It was a year ago today that Darren said goodbye and went to heaven. I can still vividly remember the heartache and the hurt of that morning in hospital, not knowing what was happening. I miss my baby as much today as I did a year ago.
We thought of you today Ella, and wished that you were here. I hope you liked your balloons, they were so pretty and pink. Your nanny also sent some flowers, they were very pretty you would have loved them. Mummy and daddy love you so much, sleep well angel xx
To my dear angels,
Mummy is sat here in tears, but it is good news i have to share. How can i be so sad and at the same time full of joy. I have found out the you are to have a little brother, though Im affraid it will be a long time until you get to meet him, but i know you will be taking care of him from above. Mummy went for an ultrasound the other day and we got to see him and what he looks like, he's growing up big now and I know its thanks in a big part to the two of you.
I miss you both so much, Darren you would be three months old now, I can just imagin the sound of your laugh. And Ella, it should be nearly time to welcome you into the world, except I only have the few memories of you both that i hold very dear. I hope you liked the candels that daddy picked for you for christmas? We had them lit all day, they did look beautiful, just like i imagin you both do now. Mummy loves you, please never forget that. xxxxxxxxx
MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
I see the Countless Christmas Trees around the world below,
with lights, like heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular! Please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
but the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas
choir up here.
I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside of your
heart,
but I am not so far away. We really aren’t apart.
So, be happy for me dear ones. You know I hold you dear
And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this
year.
I send you each a special gift from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory of my undying love.
After all “love” is the gift, more precious than pure gold.
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
for I can’t count the blessings or love he has for you.
So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear.
Remember, I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
As Christmas is approaches, there is an everlasting reminder that my angels are not here. As i look for presents for my friends baby and my sisters baby it is so hard to think that I should be buying gifts for my own little bundle of joy, instead all I have are a few memories of being pregnant with my angels. I am oing to buy a little gift for each of them to go under the tree, even though they will never get to unwrap the gift I hope that they can look down from heaven knowing that it is a gift full of eternal love.
My brain is working overtime at the moment. I feel really sad today. I read an e.mail earlier that told me how many weeks I should now be with Ella, and I couldnt help but cry. Dont get me wrong, I am so so happy to be carrying the baby that is inside me, but I cant help but think where I should be with Ella, or that I should have my little Darren here already to cuddle. Nothing seems to make sense in my head, how can i be so happy about one baby, but still missing my Darren and Ella so much....
Well i've reached the 3 month hurdle, I saw my little bubs again last week, cant get over how much it has grown. I'm so proud of both my angels in heaven for looking after their little sibling. I dont know how I have gotton throught these past few weeks, but ive just about managed it, now Im just hoping things go well from here on in. I just hope my angels can keep looking after him/her from above.
I got to see my new little baby the other day, such an amazing sight on the ultrasound screen with his/her little heart beating away, i couldnt help but cry. i miss my two angels so much at the moment, but I have to remind myself taht without their passing I would not be able to feel the joy of this new baby. I am so full of fear, as I approach the nine week point I am more and more scared that history will repeat, but for now I am just hoping that Darren and Ella are looking down on there little sibling and making sure things are ok. keeping m fingers, toes and everything else crossed for the next few weeks!
I dont know where to start, my head is all over the place. I am again 6 weeks pregnant. Darren and Ella you're going to have a little borther or sister, but you wont get to meet them for a very very long time, please tell God that. I am so scared, I dont know how much longer I can hold it together for. I've got a scan this coming week, the first time I will get to see my little baby, I am praying that everything os ok this time. I hope my little Angels are looking after them from above.
Baby Angel's Due Date
Today a tear falls.
They start to fall like rain.
My heart feels broken.
Forever there will be pain.
There is a cloud in my life now.
Even on sunny days.
An emptiness, a longing,
A sadness that forever stays.
A sadness that is lonely.
A silent tear sneaks out.
My voice fails to scream,
What my heart wants to shout.
Unborn babies are precious.
Their brief moments with us mattered.
We feel love from the beginning.
Love continues after our hearts were shattered.
Today I should have had my baby.
A Baby Angel to love and touch.
But instead I have barely a reminder
Of one I love so much.
No one in my family
Has cried a single tear.
They move on with their lives
Unaware of my pain and fear.
Sometimes I can peak beyond the clouds
To feel a little joy.
I feel the hope of a future
That includes a baby girl or boy.
But what if it never happens.
That's more than I can bear.
So I pray and try again.
I can't handle more despair.
Today's tears keep falling.
They rain and then they pour.
My babies may never be in my arms,
But they're in my heart forevermore.
As my due date approaches I am thinking about my babies more than ever. They are constantly on my mind, and I get sad whenever I think that they are no longer here. I wish they were. I want to do something special to mark the day that Darren should have been due, but Im not sure how yet. I doubting that anyone else will even remember, I feel so alone some days.
My mum, she tells a lot of lies
She never did before.
From now until the day she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
She used to tell the truth a lot,
But now it doesn't matter,
I died and went to heaven,
Her life is all in tatters.
Ask my mum how she is?
She'll say "yes I'm fine"!
She wants to beg
"Please help me, I can't find that prince of mine!
Ask my mum how she is, she'll say "I'm alright"
If that's the truth then tell me,
Why does she cry each night?
Ask my mum how she is,
She seems to cope so well
She didn't have a choice,
You see, nor the strength to yell.
You think you know the feeling,
But this, it cannot be,
For even though you loved me,
You didn't love as much as she.
She will smile and tell you,
"It's ok, God, he has a plan".
But she will turn away and cry,
Cause she just can't understand.
Tell a joke and she will laugh,
But she is not ok
She wants to share the joke with me,
But it will not be today.
Some day you will feel better
"Yes I will" she lies.
She knows this will not happen,
Until the day she dies.
Ask my mum how she is,
She'll say, thank you, good
She cannot tell you how she feels,
Oh I wish she could.
Ask my mum how she is
"Im fine, Im well, Im coping".
For God's sake mum,
Just tell the truth, just say your heart is broken.
Ask my mum how she is,
"I'm well, I'm good, and you"?
I'll shake my head in heaven
It simply isn't true.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.
Her carnival is over,
She's stepped off the carousel,
But to save you feeling badly,
She'll say, "thanks all is well".
My mum she's not gone mad yet
But oh so very nearly.
Dont ask my mum how she is,
Ask her how she is, really.
I am here in heaven,
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen.
Hug her, hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold
I'll say "Your lucky to get in here
With all the lies you told"
I found this on the internet, I'm not sure who wrote it, but it is so so true of all my feelings. Yes I do always say "I'm fine" but no, i dont mean it. I'm not fine, my world fell down around me when my babies left, and im only just starting to pick up the pieces. I will never be "fine" I will always miss my babies.
Hi Daddy, it’s me,
Your baby girl in the sky.
Won’t you tell me Daddy,
why does my Mommy cry?
Doesn’t she know I’m happy here?
Heaven’s a beautiful place.
Oh, how it hurts me, Daddy
To see tears streaming down Mommy’s face.
Daddy, tell her I’m much better here,
Jesus fixed my heart.
But when I see Mommy crying,
It just about tears it apart.
I know it hurt you both, Daddy,
When Jesus took me away.
But you and mommy remember,
We’ll be together again someday.
I can’t wait to hug you,
I never got the chance before.
When it’s time for you to come,
I’ll be waiting at Heaven’s door.
Then you’ll both understand,
Jesus knew where I needed to be.
What a marvelous place to live,
Just wait and you both shall see.
Please let my Mommy know, Daddy,
That I heard every word she said.
And I remember her softly touching me
As she lay in that hospital bed.
Just one more thing, Daddy,
Before I have to go
I love you both very much
And just wanted you to know.
You never said I'm leaving
You never said goodbye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knew why
A million times we've neeeded you
A million times we've cried
If love alone could've saved you
You never would have died
In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still
In our hearts you hold a place
Noone else will ever fill
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didnt go alone
A part of us went with you
The day god took you home
My darling Darren and Ella, I love you so so so much xxx
I asked you both today for a sign that you were listening to me when I told you that I loved you. Driving home in the car I saw the most beautiful sky and sunset. This was my babies saying hello.
Twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what you are
up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky
twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what you are.
Its weird how nursery rhyms now make me sad. I'd love to have a living baby to sing them to, to send them to sleep.One day...... maybe
Dear Ella,
So baby girl, how is heaven? I hope its wonderful for you. Have you found your brother? I hope you are both together and taking care of eachother.
What is heaven like? I imagin its beautiful, the perfect place for my beautiful little angels. I would love to know if you've met my Nanny, your great nan? I hope that you have and that she can give you all the cuddles that i cant right now.
Daddy is going away for a while soon, this will be very scary for me, but I'm sure he'll be fine. He's got my beautiful babies watching over him.
I love you baby girl, say hi to Darren for me too.
All my love,
Mummy
xxx
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?
WAS I NOT MEANT TO KEEP YOU?
WHY DO I HAVE TO CRY?
I WANT YOU BACK HERE WITH US,
THINGS CAN NEVER BE THE SAME.
HOW CAN I JUST GO ON EACH DAY,
AND PLAY LIFES AWFUL GAME?
YOU WERE MY WANTED BABY,
I LOVED YOU VERY MUCH.
I'LL NEVER SEE YOU LAUGH OR CRY,
OR FEEL YOUR FINGERS CLUTCH.
I NEED TO GET SOME ANSWERS,
MY QUESTIONS SEEM IGNORED,
I FEEL SO LONELY HERE,
OH PLEASE HELP ME MY LORD.
TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY BABIES,
NOW YOU'VE TAKEN THEM FROM ME.
WRAP THEM UP TIGHTLY IN YOUR ARMS,
AND KISS THEM TENDERLY.
PLEASE TELL THEM THAT I LOVE THEM,
AND WILL FOREVER MORE.
AND SAVE A PLACE FOR ME ONE DAY,
WHEN I'LL BE WHOLE ONCE MORE
Dear Darren
It has been a few months now, and I'm sorry it has taken me so long. I haven't felt ready before, but now i am slowly starting to understand. I know you are in heaven, one of gods lucky angels, and i know you are happy. I wish I could have seen you grow and learn, I would give anything for just one cuddle and to see your beautiful smile. I know one day I will be there with you and then I can give you all the cuddles and kisses you deserve.
I hope you can look after your little sister, and keep her safe and warm, you both mean so much to me and nobody could have ever wanted anything more than i wanted to hold you and love you. It is hard to explain in words just what you both mean to me, but I want you to know that whereever you are, you will never be forgotten. When you left me for heaven after those nine short weeks you took a piece of my heart that will always be yours and will never be replaced, and it is the same for Ella.
I know that your Daddy may not be in touch until you meet again, and he may not show his feelings to others, but I do know that he loved you both so very much. Your daddy would have been the best dad in the world, he would have played with you all day long, and would teach you how to wind mummy up so he could just sit back and laugh. He will be your daddy and love you unconditionally for ever and ever.
I hope that you do get to visit, and see how much we care. you may see that some days i am crying and very upset, but i am so glad you are in Heaven with your sister where you can be eternally happy and we can meet again one day. I will think of you both everyday for the rest of my life, my love for you will never end. When the time comes for me and daddy to have another little baby I promise that they will never replace you or Ella and i hope that you will be their guardian angels, to watch over and protect.
Darren and Ella I love you both, take care of eachother.
You are forever in my thoughts
Mummy
xxx
I cannot believe just how much time has passed already, yet it still feels as if it happenend so recently. My little man should be turning one next week, instead I have to send his presents to heaven. It just isnt fair. At least Chris has started to acknowledge both of our angels now, he even talks about them sometimes, and while it does make me feel sad to remember what I am without, it also makes me happy that now he thinks of them as our children, just as much as Aiden is. I miss my angels so much